right before i fell asleep last night, i had a teaching memory that brought on a flood of emotions and really got me thinking...
it was my first year out of undergrad and i was substitute teaching for san diego city schools. i took on all jobs to see what my cup or tea with teaching was. i even tried high school once or twice, but that didn't take long before i knew it wasn't for me. because san diego city schools was desperate for special ed. teachers, i could sub in that field without being certified. i remember this day clearly. when i got to the school and other teachers overheard what room i was in and which class i was taking on, they gave me a smile and nod, and some even wished me luck. it was a 5th grade ebd (emotional behavior disability) class in a lower socioeconomic part of the city. young, fresh and just excited to be trying new things, i dove in head first. not afraid. overall, that day was tough. i was called every name in the book, broke up fights, and the memory? i was actually stabbed with a pencil that day. i walked into the principals office at the end of the day to make a report on the stabbing, and he looked at me with my flushed face from the day and my band-aide on my hand, and said sorry. my literal response was, "do you need a teacher for that classroom, because i'd be more than happy to take over." i loved it. the challenge. the kids. the power that a teacher possesses when making such a change and impact on students who need it the most. i wanted that job, but it was taken.
after that day and a few other fun packed days working with students with autism, i went back to school for my sped degree. i knew i loved that field from the moment i stepped foot into that classroom. i'm good in that field. i'm actually great in that field.
long story not so short, i was lying in bed last night worried that i'm moving in the opposite direction career wise and losing passion. sure, i'm still teaching, but to a population that i never imagined myself to teach. every child needs a good teacher, rich or poor and i get that. but then my thinking shifted. maybe what it was about these kids that made me feel so alive was the challenge. and then i silently smiled.
next year, ben and i will be starting a school in malaysia that hasn't ever had a student set foot into the classrooms. now that's, a challenge. i'm not moving in the wrong direction, just a different direction with the same amount of passion. ebd will always be there for me when we get back to the states. or maybe someday i'll reach my goal of phd and go back into autism. the amazing thing, i have these options of challenges to chose from and i think that's pretty sweet.
as soon as we get to malaysia, i'm going to start posting blogs on my teaching website.